10/3/16 – OCTOBER HORROR MOVIE PICK #3 – Motel Hell.


Time to bathe back in my comfort waters of 80’s horror nostalgia. Boy oh boy, if you’ve never been lucky enough to see Motel Hell before, then prepare for some delightful mental instability. I cut this from the same cloth of bonkers 80’s cinema as Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2 or The Stuff (both movies that have previously made this list.) I say that because all these movies are batshit crazy. They’re horror because of the subject matter, but they relish in their twisted comedy far more. Motel Hell is about a farmer and his sister that run a motel. They also happen to have a line of smoked meat products that are “the best in the county.” Gee, I wonder what those secret meat products could be made with… Yep, the farmer and his sister are hunting down and using various “sinners” for their meats. Their religious background makes them think they’re doing the Lord’s work, so to them it’s all good in the neighborhood. But see, where Motel Hell does it right is how much it relishes in the preparation and care that Farmer Vincent gives his “ingredients”. It’s so barbaric and balls out insane, you honestly can’t believe what you’re watching. Now look, if you’re looking for amazing, fleshed out characters with intelligence, look elsewhere. The characters in the film might just possibly be the dumbest you’ve ever seen. From top to bottom. Don’t get me started on relationship subplot, and the insultingly stupid “heroine”(?) But forget all that garbage on just focus on the joyful insanity of the rest. Rory Calhoun is amazing as Vincent. The only problem with him is that I can’t stop thinking of that Simpson’s episode where Mr. Burns keeps referencing that one of his dogs looks like Rory Calhoun, and I laugh every time. Well, I guess it’s not a problem at all, just a personal distraction. But I digress. Look, just go along for the damn ride. It’s filthy and it relishes in it. Note, if you don’t like the constant sound of gurgling, you might want to pick another movie. I swear to God there are some scenes in this flick that entirely consist of nothing but horrible throat gurgling. But that’s just par for the course with this diabolical little gem. But hey, if you’re a fan of chainsaw battles and a finale with a man wearing a severed hog’s head over his, then hell yes this is the flick for you. Just ignore the dumb, and bathe in the crazy. Have a ball with this one.


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