2012 HORROR ADVENT CALENDAR – DAY #4: Rising Use of Cell Phones in Bathrooms.



Okay, here’s one that’s been around for a few years now, but it seems that in 2012 we’ve seen a massive uptick.  In fact, it’s become so commonplace now that people hardly even think about how disgusting it even is anymore.  The “shame” behind it has gone away and people now just talk about doing it matter of fact.  Well, I’m here to discuss why it’s utterly downright horrifying.

First, I have to say.  I understand it.  Completely.  I can see the numerous reasons why this has become such a massive trend.  First, there’s the ease factor.  There’s the fact that cell phones can do everything now.  You can read full books on them, play Words With Friends on them, and do anything that used to be the normal time-passing activity on the john.  They pretty much fill the old practice of just grabbing a magazine.

Second, there are the more societal reasons.  We seem to have less free time.  We’ve become a multi-tasking society where we simply MUST do three things at once.  Plus, sometimes you just need an extended “break” from the outside world.  I fully admit that as I’m pointing fingers, I have to look at this last reason to point at myself.  I hate to say it, but it’s true.  I’m an occasional culprit of the “I just need to escape from the kids for a few minutes and feel some goddamn peace” bathroom plan.  But know that I do try to curb the practice as much as possible.

Now, enough of these reasons, let’s get to the main two reasons why this practice is so horrifying.  First, it’s the communication factor.  Just think about the awful practice of actually communicating with other people during your bathrooms activities.  While doing something that is the ultimate in “me time”, people are texting, posting on Facebook, and even, ugh, taking calls.  This disturbs the living hell out of me.  I honestly wish there was a notice on every Facebook post placed while in the bathroom that simply said, “This Comment Was Posted While Taking a Shit.”  It would be eye opening to see that your comment about how a bride looked so lovely was posted while popping a squat.  I’m sure they’ll truly feel the love.

Second, and this is the factor that is just utterly awful, and most people never think twice about it.  But when a decent person leaves the bathroom after the undeniably dirty act of emptying your bowels, you wash your hands.  Good.  Great.  You are a decent person.

But did you wash your phone?

You didn’t?  Well, your phone was in there with you.  It had the same proximity to everything.  Some of you may have even set it down somewhere to wipe and then grabbed it again right after.  Who knows what’s going on with it.  Well, I’m here to say your phone is filthy.  You never wash your phone.  And with the amount of time you use it, your hands, even washed, are now no longer clean.  The phone’s bathroom stank has gotten on you again.  Now you’re tainting everything around you.  Filth is being spread on a massive, untreated level.  And people wonder why the flu and other sicknesses are on the rise?  Look no further than this…

People listen to me.  I know I’m not going to stop the practice of shitting while texting completely.  But hopefully I can make a dent.  Please at least think about this post, and the world’s health, before you do it.  It’s just gross.

And yes, I wrote this entire post in the bathroom.


2 thoughts on “2012 HORROR ADVENT CALENDAR – DAY #4: Rising Use of Cell Phones in Bathrooms.

  1. This cracked me up. Time to carry around wet wipes to wipe my phone. You are seriously going to make me rethink every time I text whilst shitting from now on. I won’t answer the phone when I’m in the bathroom, though. Well, unless it’s my husband…because he does it to me.

    And what I REALLY can’t stand is people in public bathrooms talking on the phone while THEY’RE taking a shit or a piss. Seriously, I am sure the other person on the end doesn’t want to hear the background noise for that particular call.

    • When I see someone doing that, I will make sure and flush the toilet repeatedly so the person on the opposite end can hear it. And one time I was so annoyed at a guy that I honestly did yell loudly while I was leaving, “This person is talking to you in a bathroom!”

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