2011 HORROR ADVENT CALENDAR – DAY #21: Carmageddon.


I couldn’t talk about the horrifying events of 2011 without mentioning–*insert booming voice here*CARMAGEDDON!!!  Or as others called it, CARPOCALYPSE!!!  Or as I ended up calling it, “the single most pleasant weekend in the history of Los Angeles.”

Obviously this one was personal because I live in LA, but I know for a fact that this baby was news all over the nation, hell, it even bled into other nations’ news as well.  Yes, a stretch of the 405 freeway, the busiest freeway in the nation, was going to be closed down for a weekend during the high tourist season month of July.  When they announced this, you may as well have thought that they announced children all over the country were turning feral and eating the livers of all adults in sight.

People went ape shit, to say the least.

It was enormous news for months.  And the predictions were flat out apocalyptic.  The traffic would be stopped for hundreds of miles, even all the way down to the Mexican border, they said.  Every service street would be a parking lot, they said.  No one would move and emergency vehicles wouldn’t be able to get anywhere, so don’t even think about getting injured, they said.  Life will stop as we know it, they said.  People were frenzied.

Then the day came… and it was amazing.

Everyone stayed home.  No one drove.  Everyone actually followed the instructions and made plans.  It was amazing.  Los Angeles, instead of being a commuter palace, became a city with walking neighborhoods.  People hung out together.  People stayed home and actually experienced where they lived.  They left their cars parked.  Thus, the outcome was empty roads, no driving, pleasant people, happiness, and in my opinion, the single most pleasant weekend in the history of Los Angeles.  There was nothing horrifying about it.  It was awesome.

But…  There is still horror out there.  There will be an outcome that is even more awful and horrifying.

People mocked the preparedness of the weekend.  People everywhere went, “they made us worried for nothing, and nothing happened.”  Everyone blamed the local government and mocked them.  They flat out said they’re not listening when they close it any other time in the future (which it’s slated to be again soon, actually, to finish the job they started.)  Don’t you see the horror here?  The only REASON it was a pleasant weekend and wasn’t filled with the horrors everyone thought was BECAUSE people heeded the warnings and stayed home.  If people weren’t scared and didn’t stay home, it would have been just as awful as they said.  But for some reason people don’t think that way.  That’s where the horror resides.  When this happens next time , everyone will just wave their hand and say, “pishaw!”  “Remember Carmageddon?  Nothing happened then, and nothing will happen now.”  And then no one will heed the warnings.  No one will listen.  And then all hell WILL break loose.

Now, next time, we’re all screwed.  Logic will not prevail.  And we will all die in a fiery inferno of death and carnage!  Don’t you realize, Los Angeles?  This is a town where sequels rule.  They’re always bigger and better, with more explosions and more insanity.  You’ve been warned… The true Armageddon isn’t Carmageddon at all.

It’s Carmageddon II.  Coming in 2012.


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