2011 HORROR ADVENT CALENDAR – DAY #15: “Snooki” has a Book.

Snooki and a Book

Sigh… This dwarf sack of slut garbage has a book.  She knows that 98.4% of her fan base can’t read, right?  And the other 1.6%, well, this will only be the second book they’ll ever read after “How to Eat Fried Worms.”


How is this possible?  If this isn’t one of the most horrific scenarios of 2011, or of our entire culture’s future, I don’t know what is.  I’ve talked about wastes of space that literally have ZERO to add to the world (see Kim Kardashian), but this one takes it to a whole other level.  She “wrote” a book.  And please, oh please, notice the quotation marks around “wrote.”  They are most definitely there for a purpose and I want them noticed dammit.  Just tell me why is she doing this?  Does she actually think she might “cross over” with the literary crowd?  I’m pretty sure they know that the only time Snooki has ever stumbled into a Barnes & Noble was to puke in their bathroom.

Look Snooki, you are a joke, a slutty, horrifically disfigured, Oompa Loompa orange, duck lipped, overweight but too stupid to realize it, ignorant, skin cancerous, beacon of all things wrong with this culture, joke.  I’m not sure if you heard me, just let me simplify it for you…  You.  Are.  Awful.  And you do awful things with awful people.  Here’s my plea to you, Snooki.  Please don’t write about this awfulness.  You don’t need to actually write about all the juiceheads you bang.  Just go bang them and then you can all die together of a new strain of bright orange AIDS.

Why am I being so abrasive and rough?  Because if you haven’t noticed, this festering sex boil has a BOOK!  As a writer, I take this bullshit personally.  And the sad thing is that it will probably sell solely on the fact that people will always need a White Elephant gift.  Pathetic whores sadly sell in today’s market.  Look at Ann Coulter.

I’m pretty sure that if print wasn’t dead before… this just put the final nail in its coffin.



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