2011 HORROR ADVENT CALENDAR – DAY #13: Christmas in July.

Christmas in July

When Christmas starts to take over Halloween, THAT’S where I draw the damn line.

Originally I always found it horrifying that Thanksgiving was the sad forgotten middle child squeezed between Halloween and Christmas.  It was sadly never celebrated in the retail markets.  It was always pumpkins, bats, and witches until Oct 31, then BAM, Christmas trees and stockings on Nov 1st.  It was annoying, but from a retail point of view I guess I just accepted it.  But now, holy lord, how things have changed…

Christmas has now moved further, and further, and further back in the retail yearly timeline.  It finally came to a head when I was in Costco this past JULY and they already had their Christmas stuff out.  JULY????  What the effing eff?  When we’re supposed to be celebrating all things beach, outdoors, and camping, not to mention Independence Day, Costco has already busted out the fake snow, Santa’s, and multi-colored lights.  Costco is the perfect example to use for this, because they are basically the harbingers of all things in the retail holiday department.  So Costco, to you, and others like you, I just have to say… stop it.

Why are we so impatient that we need to celebrate things so far off now?  I’m not sure where it all started, or if Costco had anything to do with its proliferation, but people are now even hosting “Christmas in July” parties.  What the hell is this shit?  Christmas in July?  Are we so desperate for more and more Christmas that we honestly have to find a way to celebrate it twice?  Sigh… Listen, to anyone who hosts a “Christmas in July” party, send me an invitation with your address so I can show up on your doorstep and punch you in the face.  I’ll even dress as Santa if you want me to.

And to bring it back to Costco for the part that really pisses me off the most — the true horror of it all.  This is now having a chain reaction, all-encompassing effect.  Since they start in July, the natural effect is that it only ramps in the progressing months.  So now, when I was there in October, when it’s SUPPOSED to be all things Halloween, they had almost NOTHING Halloween related.  Maybe one stupid ceramic witch that an 86 year old woman thinks is “just scary enough.”  But mainly it was completely dominated by Christmas shit.  Think about that.  No Halloween stuff during Halloween…  Now it’s personal Costco.  When Christmas takes over Halloween, it’s war, bitches.

So listen, whether it’s simple impatience, a retail strategy, or people just seriously and psychotically love Christmas that much that it has to be a year round thing for them, I don’t care.  Christmas is in December, people.  Keep it there.  And if this has any more effect on my beloved October and Halloween, I swear I’m taking Costco and all the other Christmas harbingers down personally.

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One thought on “2011 HORROR ADVENT CALENDAR – DAY #13: Christmas in July.

  1. Two things: 1) You tell this to my wife, and she’ll eat your face off. She celebrates YEAR ROUND. Seriously, I’m going to kill myself if that soft rock radio starts playing Xmas music any earlier. This year it was like right before or right on Thanksgiving! 2) I just realized we all complain about how early stores start xmas, but then we all procrastinate and do last minute shopping. Makes me laugh. So, either they KNOW US or by starting early they give us a false sense of time-security that then screws us up and forces us to panic-impulse shop. Come to think of it, maybe that is their diabolical plan after all… a panicked shopper probably spends more… hmmm…

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