2011 HORROR ADVENT CALENDAR – DAY #12: The Overuse of 3D.

3D

We actually live in three dimensions, right?  I’m just making sure that looking around me, yep, there are actual shapes that have height, width, AND depth.  That’s where I exist alright.  Amazing…  It’s almost like I can reach out and physically touch the things I’m looking at.

Wait… I can.  Because I LIVE here.

So if that’s the world I’m surrounded by every second of my entire life, why the hell are 3D images so damn important?  Why are we trying to create a much more subpar version of where we already exist?  It’s like saying, “Hey, we can breathe on our own, but wouldn’t it be fun to just live life breathing though a scuba tank?  I mean it tastes worse and your lungs actually start to hurt, but hey, it’s like a whole new way of breathing!”  See, that’s insanity.  And that’s what most 3D is to me, insanity.  That’s why this latest proliferation of 3D made this horrifying list, because nothing is more horrifying to me than insanity.

3D is pretty much everywhere now.  Not only is it at the theater WAY too much, especially on movies that absolutely don’t need it (do I need to see a shitty Yogi Bear, Smurfs, or Chipmunks movie in more dimensions than they deserve?), but now it’s also on TV’s at home, video game systems, internet webpages, digital cameras, and even cell phones.  I mean honestly, is our own realities that bad that we have to replace them with these second rate scenarios?  No matter how amazing it may seem, even the best 3D isn’t even close to be perfected.  Normally 3D viewing is blurrier, dimmer, more distracting, and for a lot of people, even causes eye fatigue and headaches.  This is not something that is enjoyable to me.

I mean, look, there are certain situations where 3D works and is justified.  Watching Avatar in IMAX 3D actually transported you to a world that you could never have gone to in reality.  It pulled you in.  You felt there.  James Cameron knows how to wield the tool, and it was amazing, no doubt.  But he is a master of his craft.  The general public is not.  Do I really need to watch home movies shot in crappy 3D that will give me a headache when I watch them?  Or shaky concert footage you shot with your cell phone that happens to have a 3D recording feature?  No, but this is happening.  And it needs to stop.

Look people, just be happy to live in your own reality and forget the damn 3D.  Stare at an apple, grab it, and hey, you can even take a bite if you want!  It’s real 3D!  Forget the gimmick and let’s all just move on…

That is, until the hologram TV’s become a reality.  THEN, I’m so in.

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