2011 HORROR ADVENT CALENDAR – DAY #5: KFC “Famous” Bowls

KFC Famous Bowls

Now if everything about these “famous” bowls isn’t absolutely horrifying, I guess I just don’t know horror at all.  Have you actually looked at these things?  I mean dear GOD.  All I can think of is that bowl of vomit eating scene from Peter Jackson’s utterly vile, yet delightful, movie Bad Taste (yep I squeezed in a little horror recommendation there.)  But seriously, these basically are bowls of vomit, or bowls of entrails, or bowls of what I like to call dumpster refuse.  Regardless how you see them, I know they aren’t meant to be edible.  House insulation maybe, but not actually food you are meant to eat.

Jim Gaffigan has a great bit about how they make fruitcakes during the holiday season.  He basically says that the baker just sees all the leftover scraps from everything else he’s cooked and just slides it all into a bowl with his arm and smashes it together.  That’s what these are!  These are the leftover scrapped “fruitcakes” of KFC’s *shivers* kitchen.  And if the notion of KFC’s kitchen doesn’t chill you to the bone, reevaluate yourself.  Now look, I admit, I eat at KFC sometimes, and it’s delicious.  But that’s only because sometimes I hate myself and I feel like I have to do damage to my body to feel alive.  I’m sometimes like the eating equivalent of a cutter.  BUT… a bowl of their leftover garbage?  Please, I’m not suicidal.  Just borderline sociopathic.

And one last thing…  And these types of things seriously piss me off.  How on Earth do they have the nerve to call them their “NEW Famous Bowls”?  I mean, if they’re “NEW”, how can they be “Famous”???  For something to considered famous, doesn’t it have to have been around for a while to achieve that clout?  And I can pretty much guarantee you that the famous moniker would NEVER be just granted to these horrifying bowls of roadkill entrails.  Then again, sigh, I’ve seen more horrifying things happen.

Damn you KFC.

You make me so angry.

And I hate myself when I’m so angry.

I need to hurt myself to feel better.

See you soon KFC.

Bastards.

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